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First Heartache

Organic Mama

Posted on August 02 2019

Okay so by now you know I have kids--three of them in fact, all girls.  They are glorious.  Glorious, loud, laughing, dancing, messy, fighting, yelling, moody glorious.
My oldest is eleven and a half and boy is she in the thick of hormone city.  I remember being that way, screaming at my parents, and then acting like an angel when my friends called.  So far she's been a ton easier than I'm sure I was...
We covered new territory this week and I have to admit friends, it's caused me a very sore heart.
My girl is in the midst of her first heartache.  It's not what you think--there is NOTHING romantic going on.  She and her best friend are experiencing the first onset of growing apart and man is it hurting her.
They've been best friends for nearly 3 years.  A very solid, healthy friendship.  They play nicely, are creative, do good deeds like bake sales for people in need.  They're great partners.  Her friend even learned how to buckle her scoliosis brace and helps her at school.
But lately, she's been pulling away from my girl, inclined to hang with the cooler, meaner girl who makes rules about who is allowed to play and talk to who.
It's a different code on the playground these days.  Don't get me wrong, there were certainly mean girls in my day, and I'll even admit that I'm sure I was one at a time or two in my life.
But now they seem to have to ask permission to play with each other.  "Can I play with you today?"  "We aren't playing today but you can tomorrow."  
Ummm you aren't playing?  What are you doing then?
I ask her, why not just go and hang and talk to them?  Go with the flow?
I think in part because we only moved here when she was in grade 1, she feels like she is just outside the circle of girls who all went to crechce together.
It's an all girls school and grade 5 is tough stuff, and with all the hormones to boot, it's a lot to handle.
I had given her the advice to let her friend have some space, and perhaps when she realises how not nice this girl is, she'll come back, and on some days she has.
But it's only served to confuse my girl: "I don't know which version of her I'm going to get--the mean on or the nice one..." It breaks MY heart.
It's hard not to take the pain personally but I'm just trying to support without saying too much.
A friend of mine with 4 girls suggested finding her an extracurricular she excels at to build her confidence.  And I hear the merit.  Find her something she's good at and enjoys.  She advised that it doesn't mean I have to allow my other girls to do the same thing: "Do you buy underwear for them all if one girl needs new ones???" she asked.  Fair point.
I'll keep you posted friends...until then, lets just be kind.
With love,
Organic Mama xo

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