Learning to Fight
Posted on July 19 2019
My husband is an Aussie and I'm American true and true and while we are both from English speaking countries, it didn't take long into our marriage to learn we spoke a very different language.
That's not to say that it was just because of our geographical differences, but also because well, he's a boy and I'm a girl. We were also raised by different parents in different households.
Mine was a very loud one. People said what they felt, got it out, and got over it. We were very open with our feelings--even when it hurt.
His was quieter, less expressive or so it seems, and getting what was bothering out of him wasn't easy.
The first year we were married, we literally didn't know how to fight. Something would be bothering him. He would put up a wall. And I would spend a week making things up in my head and presenting to him in frustration in an attempt to understand.
Needless to say, it only made things worse.
It took time to realise that sometimes, he just needed space.
But I needed something too--and it turned out to be reassurance.
I came up with every worst case scenario in my head that first year, and I'll tell you, it wasn't an easy one by any stretch of the imagination.
I like to say in our first married year, we learned how to fight.
In our second married year, we learned how NOT to fight--how to disarm each other before a fight came on, and it was a great lesson to learn.
So nearly 14 years down this dusty and windy road, I can say, we know how to fight, how not to fight, and we certainly speak the same language.
He knows how to disarm me with a glance, to read my energy and know how I'm feeling by the way I sigh. It's been a beautiful journey, and I couldn't be more blessed to be with someone who spends more time thinking of what he can do to make me and our children's life happy, than of his own happiness.
And in turn, I do the same.
By both being so focused on the happiness and well being of each other, regardless of anything else, we have found a place of peace, where we get what we NEED every time.
I am blessed.
Wishing you all an incredible weekend with love, and healthy conversation,
Organic Mama xo