Self Love or Self Indulgence?
Posted on June 13 2019
Okay this is a blog, and that means I've been sharing my inner most thoughts--like things that I wouldn't necessarily share out loud, or with my nearest and dearest. But this is a safe place. That's what we've been trying to create here.
My husband told me to start a blog for years, but this is the first time I've done it, and I've been really open and honest. But I also wonder if sometimes how that translates.
As you are well aware, I've been feeling a bit under the weather. I had the worlds WORST cold--like worse than I can ever remember, and that compounded by my not read immune system knocked me out cold. I spent two days in bed, which was more indulgent than when I had my emergency Cesar (like honestly).
I didn't expect coddling from anyone, though I will give credit to my hubby who made me exactly 5,359 cups of pure peppermint tea, and on Sunday morning, eggs and toast in bed which was hugely decadent.
Flash forward to later in the week.
I had just gone for a blood test for which my veins weren't cooperating, and for which the wait was over an hour. I was hungry, tired, and not feeling well, but I had planned a birthday lunch with a few friends.
One of my friends, who is going through a tough time, said to me "you are so precious right now." Precious is a word I only became familiar with when I moved to Melbourne. Let me tell you, it's NOT a compliment.
The thing is, for as much as I winge, I am literally not precious. In fact, I often think I should try to be a little more precious! My only indulger was my husband, and my only indulgence was bed.
I was taken aback but I let it slide. I've had enough drama lately and while that friendship is repaired, I'm not looking for another situation.
Flash forward to this week. I wasn't feeling well, I was stressed, I was exhausted. I was scheduled for some more testing and I was scared. I couldn't stop crying.
Was I being self indulgent or letting myself feel my feelings? Feelings which I had repressed while my kids were home from school over a long weekend. Feelings I hid from my friends because I didn't want to share this.
Part of this blog has been to be more aware. More aware of my needs, which I have honestly pushed to the wayside for many years. But I understand it's a fine line--we've talked about that before.
I think I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. I need to look out for myself a little bit more--I just do. Maybe it's where I am in my life right now--I don't know. I just know that it feels okay.
Wishing you all self love,
Organic Mama xo